The power of Loss - Navigating Grief

"I love trees."

-Manmohan Singh Chadha

I never feel more whole or more utterly content than I am in a field surrounded by nature. Most days - I hike along forests, thick and wild and tall. There against the constant hushing and humming of the wind, I am met with the council and words of many. 

Lately my grandfather calls me. And his words. Soft and firm, stern and sweet. Quite unexpectedly have become a secret compass and an anchor. 

It’s a novel experience. That began quietly and unobserved in the spring. The nights before his passing - I was working in the south of France.

The days were filled with rain, my roof was leaking buckets and the wind blew the windows open whilst I slept. The sounds and rumblings of someone ready to pass, perhaps. 

I felt it in fact, before I was informed. Somewhere in my body I had been told. And I whispered in my dreams, “goodbye”.

I had been working for a reforestation association, creating interviews, written material, publicity and short films. I met a vibrant group of villagers, international colleagues and Americans searching for a simpler life.

The man I was working for proclaimed that “love” and ‘a woman’ had brought him to France. I couldn’t help noticing that he was around the same age as my grandfather - full of adventure, survival and the facts of life. 

It’s incredible how other people remind you of those that have passed, How perhaps their spirit lives on not only in you but in those you meet. Their energy, memory and character continues. Always.

In the last words I had with my grandfather, he told me “I love trees… I love to hug a tree. You feel good after”.

It seems obvious to use the analogy of planting seeds from older trees. And that ancient cycle of life and death exists in all of us. But perhaps a collective memory lives on within us and is worth noticing more.

Loss impacts all of us differently. That is the most important fact to draw on. There is no ‘right way’’ to grief. It’s your response and that is entirely unique to your nature and whatever eases and supports your next stage of life. 

For some, it’s a slow recognition and acceptance. And the grief, the memories and emotions hit you much later than the fact. For others, it’s a sudden and instant response. Some may want to jump back into life immediately, some may need a little time or a project to focus on. Loss can be an enormous catalyst for change, for improvement and for growth.

In navigating loss, it is important to talk about the person, share the best and worst of them. Celebrate their life and understand how they marked you, and what they meant to you. Everyone remembers differently - try to recall the beauty, the power and the intentions that person laid out through their actions and life. 

Keep talking about them and keep listening to what they have to tell you. Whether it’s “keep going”, or, the words that ring out for me are, “you have a powerful voice, use it!” Something made more poignant when considering my full name loosely translates as “singer of gods praises”.

You may find yourself in extraordinary situations and crossing many extraordinary souls along the way. Remember those that are gone. And live for them. They will always be somewhere walking the path along with you.

Lastly, it’s your path, your grief and your experience. Be kind about the process and expect for things to hit you in the most striking and curious ways. 

Grief is so strange and unique. Accept that first and fore-mostly. Then reach out for support. Educate yourself on how loss will impact you emotionally, mentally, physically and relation-ally. Retain your balance through activities and passions you love.

Open your heart and connect. As frightening as that first glass of wine, coffee or phone call may feel terrifying. Do it anyway. It’s your life boat and compassionate saving grace. 

Keep moving. Keep living. Keep listening. Keep loving. Be kind to yourself and be kind to all those around you.